To Fail

I live in this shell for other people to see
and I honestly understand that it isn't worth it.
I'm at war with myself, I fight and resist
in this shell that is meant to seem perfect.

It's a culmination of things, it's this world that I've made
I win battles but in the end I am losing.
I deprive this body until it doesn't know what it wants
I think God must really find this amusing.

He must gag when he sees me upholding this lie
but once you lose it you never regain
the innocence that blesses each child that is born
just to be left with torment words can't explain

What word can you use when you feel broken and sabotaged
when the world you once dreamed of can never come true
I broke all the promises that little girl once made
that little girl is me no longer--she grew.